I always like it when people come up to me and say, “You look just like your dad!” It makes me giggle a little bit because in spite of the numerous people I have told, it never really registers with them that my dad (Tim Durham) didn’t biologically father me!
I think this stigma that “adopted children” are never as REALLY loved as biological children are largely defeated by my adoption story. It has been a part of my whole life. Not only did my dad marry my mom and adopt me, but he has also helped several other women place their babies for adoption as well. Adoption is a beautiful thing.
I was born in the early ’80s… it was a time (at least in our neck of the woods) that to have a child out of wedlock was not a good thing. “Single Mom” was not the desired title (guess not much has changed!) But when my biological father was not ready to marry my mother, it left her in an embarrassing or humiliating place, and the option of abortion was suggested to her. In that situation, which I suspect many young or teen moms find themselves in today, I’m sure it seems a reasonable suggestion. Why go through all the judgmental looks, and thoughts of “my world are ending” when you can just “take care of the problem”? I’ll tell you why…
Because growing inside you is a potential soldier, or doctor, or lawyer or scientist that could change the world. They will most certainly change YOUR world! And not in a bad way. By having kids of my own, I have learned patience (NOT a fun lesson) and sacrifice (annoying, but bearable), and joy that can only come when your child starts talking to you about their dreams (mountains made of candy and being a Power Ranger are the dreams of my kids lately, just in case you wondered) or watching their reaction to seeing Mufasa die in the Lion King the first time they watch it. You will be changed!
But let’s say, you KNOW for a fact that you cannot take care of this baby. You would be a horrible parent for whatever reason… what then? Adoption. Always always always adoption. Having been on that side of the fence as well, I can say that it is hard. The stigma and judgment that come from placing your child for adoption are not unlike what is received by having an abortion. Both sides have cheerleaders for their arguments, but only one of the options has a final and absolute outcome that cannot be undone. Studies show all kinds of different numbers for this statistic, but somewhere ranging from 10% – 65% (either of those is a substantial risk really) of women regretting their decision to have an abortion.
I feel like I have gotten off topic somewhere. The point of this was to encourage you and let you know that whatever is weighing in on your decision, whatever argument you might have in favor of terminating your pregnancy, there is another possible solution. Reach out to someone that can help you make that decision. Don’t make it alone.
Adoption is beautiful. I’m adopted and I think I turned out pretty well! I never once felt unloved by my dad or felt like he didn’t love or care for me the way he does my sister (who is biologically his). My kids know him as Grandpa and love him dearly.
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