To save one life and change another through the Gospel of Jesus Christ

You’ve heard it before: We have more modes of communication than ever before, but we are more disconnected. We have more mobility, but we feel trapped. We have more stuff than our parents and we need more “storage solutions” just to organize it all, but we are less satisfied. With our high-tech world, we can easily wall ourselves off from any others that are different or challenge our thinking. Loneliness abounds. What are we missing?
I have found an amazing secret that has many, many unexpected benefits. Chief among these is having the satisfaction of knowing your positive effects on the people around you.
The simple act of going out of my way to be kind to the strangers in my life—and there are many, even in a small town, is packed with joy. Nowadays people don’t even know their neighbors anymore because of the above-mentioned isolation and false intimacy that characterize this modern world. Many broken people are right under our noses or at least within arm’s reach, but we chose to not notice.
What happened to basic hospitality? How about taking some fresh baked cookies to the new neighbors on the block? Don’t talk yourself out of the idea—I promise you they will welcome you, even if they are on a diet! A simple act such as this is so disarming and almost always is a positive experience for everyone. Try it and see.
Is someone is having problem with their vehicle or looks a little lost somewhere? Ask yourself, “How would you like to be treated?” We think we are too busy to take the time to do anything anymore that does not directly and immediately benefit ourselves. What a loss.
Be a little more generous with your time. Break the electronic addiction. If you have not seen your neighbor for a while, go over and just tell him you were thinking about him. You have no idea what kind of difference you might make, but you will certainly create some real joy.
The forgotten art of hospitality proves that doing something truly wonderful is often easy and doesn’t cost a fortune. You just have to be willing to try it and see. I heard that on Mother Teresa’s wall there was a framed quote. It said, “The problem in our world is that we draw the circle of family too small.” Well said, Mother Teresa, well said.

What would it be like if you could easily stop doing whatever it is that you want to quit? There are bad thoughts, addictions, annoying tendencies and habits, as well as disruptive and hurtful behavior. Oh, if we could just turn it off, wouldn’t that be great?

Years ago, when I was getting my Master of Education Degree in Counseling, the professor at a seminar instructed us to come up with a “brand new counseling technique” that we would share with the class. I thought it was a good idea to inject some humor into the activity. When it was time for my presentation I described a new technique that was “truly revolutionary”. The description was as follows:

It would only take one very short session.
It was guaranteed to work.
There was a catch—the client must listen carefully and agree to do exactly what the therapist said.
The client would come in, sit down, and the therapist would look at him and say, “Stop it.”

The prospect of this “new technique” is interesting because it reminds us that we are the ones who must control our own behavior, and it can be achieved. It is also hilarious because, if it were that easy, there would be no need for the painstaking efforts of the therapist to develop a relationship, instruct, and encourage.

But the question remains, “How can be just stop it?” People must be honest with themselves in a setting where they are not judged or constantly defending themselves. They need to talk to someone not emotionally involved (not disappointed or angry at them). Most importantly they need to be heard with such intensity that the result is that they can think more clearly and begin to develop a workable plan to modify their behavior. It helps to know that this is a process and direction is more important than willpower. Our culture’s tendency to want a quick fix is a major problem for recovery as well as the attitude of victimization (“it is everyone else’s fault”). Yes, it is a little more complicated than it seems at first.

So, if you really want to “stop It,” be honest with yourself and your counselor and commit to the process. If you work as hard as your therapist works for you, you will have a much better chance developing the skills to control your behavior and eventually say “no” to want you want to stop.

If you are a human being alive on planet Earth, you have attended a meeting. Some of us must attend a lot of meetings because of our work or position in the community. Meetings can be fun, but most of them are a lot of work. Some meetings are a train wreck if members strongly disagree about what is going on and/or dislike each other personally. Though you cannot prevent someone from embarrassing themselves, you should always prepare yourself so that you would not say something you regret. You also just might change the atmosphere to a more positive light that benefits everyone.

Remember that the person you are annoyed by or disappointed in may be having a really bad day. It helps you to assume that they are not at the top of their game and you must give them some slack.
Don’t expect to have the attention you think you deserve as you speak. Most people have never given a second thought to how to listen and very few have been professionally trained. Yes, I did say “professionally trained.” Listening is a genuine professional skill that humans do not inherently possess.
Don’t belabor the point you are trying to get across. It will help if you are extremely clear and concise about your message. Don’t get lost in the “weeds.”
If you feel the communication is working, you might be tempted to “get it all out” once you start but remember that people have limited bandwidth and patience to deal effectively with the tedious nature of personal conflict or even sustained concentration. If you push too hard to conquer territory intellectually, it might blow up in your face and you may lose all the progress you have fought for. Continue being thoughtful and careful, even if things are going well.
Remember that even your most wonderful and insightful ideas will often be ignored or shot down by people who are not paying attention, don’t care, or have not been given enough time to absorb what you are saying. Try not to be overly annoyed at them. Most of us tend to ignore or criticize anything new. It is part of our human nature made even worse by the fact other’s ideas usually include an element that requires a lot more work on your part, not theirs. In addition, they are doing you a favor by intellectually testing the weaknesses of your proposal.
Always listen carefully anyway, remembering that almost everything we see around us was simply an idea at one time that needed work and developing. The best ideas might come from a random place or at an inconvenient time. Don’t let your fatigue or annoyance with a person cause you to miss the only productive, insightful, or positive thing they might have to say during your time with them at the meeting.

Have fun with this (if possible) and don’t give up. You might be the key that turns that uncomfortable and unproductive get-together into something that delivers satisfying results after all.

Once a couple is asked to join our small/active group, the average time is about 18 months. I have had couples place in only two months and I have had couples waiting for several years. It is not exactly "First Come, First Served" because each adoption is different because every child is unique.

Some birth mothers are very specific about the characteristics of the couple with which their child is placed. Others trust this agency to simply find a good home and don't have particular requests. Either way, most birth mothers like to meet the couple face-to-face on one occasion in this office. Of course, we keep addresses, phone number and all such information confidential. We think this helps with the bonding process for the adoptive parents and with the healing process of the birth mother to have a high degree of privacy during and after the adoption.

Closed adoptions have their specific advantages, but we have done a few open adoptions when the situations were special and ideal for everyone involved. Either way we counsel the birth mother to be reasonable with her requests and try to negotiate and agreement that is fair. Usually all the birth mother request are to meet the couple once and get pictures about every six months. Sometimes the parents have relinquished the child (not a newborn) to the agency and are not interested or available to meet with the adoption parents.

If the adoption is straightforward in the sense that paternity is not a complicated issue and the adoption is not at all at risk, we can usually rely on an attorney associated with this agency who will help the adoptive parents by charging a very reasonable fee. Many agencies charge a huge amount for this service but we can usually provide this through an attorney who may charge about $1,500. You will be able to contact this attorney yourself and get a better idea of his tasks and estimated fee. You are, of course, allowed to use your own attorney if you like and we will be happy to provide them all the necessary documents to finalize. Either way, attorney fees will be paid directly to the attorney's office and not to Family Life Services.

Our ministry statement is "To save one life and change another through the gospel of Jesus Christ." We care deeply for the baby and the mother and believe that this service is a natural expression of our faith. As we meet physical needs, we are sensitive to the opportunities for discipleship at all times. With this vision in mind, our reputation is based on these principles:

Our compassionate care of the birth mother long after the baby's birth and placement
Our integrated pre-natal programs designed to help the baby to arrive as healthy as possible.

So many people are going through so much suffering, anxiety, bitterness and regret that you can’t avoid them. Or can you? I mean, when someone talks to you about how much they are hurting, our first reaction is to refer them to someone else—a professional who will deal with it, or to tell them that you will “call them later.” The best way to help someone is to stop what you are doing and draw your mind to attention toward them.

I know this is difficult. This activity will almost never come at a time which is convenient. Just the other day I was out shopping and was in a hurry to get back to work. Someone came up to me and said, “This might not be appropriate, but I have a question for you.” I felt that this might be a long conversation and I just did not have the time. I got a little worried and thought how inconvenient this was going to be for me. But I just decided at that moment to relax a little bit and really listen, even though I did not feel like it at the time. I am so glad I did because I learned some very important things about this person’s situation right there in the store that I would have never known. Also, I think that a few minutes of listening really helped her to have hope and to think a little more clearly.

We are always in a hurry. We can always say that the person needs to see someone else. It is rarely convenient. But we really need to see the opportunity and remember that the world can wait just a minute. The gift of time is the best. Listening always helps, even if it for a minute or two. Take the time next chance you get and you will see what I mean. Remember that urgent feeling you have had in the past when you were upset and how a few minutes of someone’s time really helped.

It looks like the new thing in counseling is to generate business via Skype and to develop technics to counsel people who are far away and/or cannot come into the office. Generally, I am very interested in technology and I embrace new ways to help people, but, I am not crazy about this idea. I suppose there would be situations when it could be useful, but why do it unless it is absolutely necessary?
Part of the problem with society (that causes us problems as individuals) is that so many of us are looking at a screen most of the time: phones, movie screens, television screens, tablets, and, of course, computers. Some of us are actually more comfortable communicating through an electronic medium than simply talking to another human. I could go into a rather long discussion about why this bothers me, but the point I am making is that we believe counseling is a very personal and sensitive process that works best when accomplished in someone’s physical presence. There are so many cues, such as body language, that are perceived only in real time and space.
If you came into the Ark City Women’s Resource Center for counseling or for a sonogram, you would be treated as a person in the old-fashioned–way-face-to-face. Our very presence shows our concern in a way that you can feel and experience. That’s why we like to say that “we are with you” because, well, we actually are literally with you when you need a person you can reach out and touch. If you call us, you will talk to a real person. If you come in, we will be here to help you and you will know our expertise and our sincerity.

Many people who are against adoption have never experienced it firsthand, whereas people who have been involved somehow almost always have a favorable impression of the process. I have been so blessed to be the one that says “Here, this child is for you!” to a couple that has been waiting for a long time, so my experience is very personal and very positive.
You would think that handing over a newborn to overjoyed new parents would be the pinnacle of joy, but, wait, it gets even better. As the child grows and develops his or her very own voice in the world, a story unfolds. Depending on the agreement, the adoptive parents usually send pictures of the adopted child every six months or so, and they go through this agency; the pictures come here and I send them on to the birth couple. Looking at the photographs I see a beautiful young child blossoming before my eyes. I have to wonder about all the laughter, the hugs, the tears whipped away, and the storied told. How precious it all is.
The greatest part of this is that it is all so very, very real. Nothing is exaggerated; the truth is good enough. Helping someone to fulfill a wish for their child to be in a good home while helping someone else have that same child to raise is better than any fairy tale. It is the perfect solution to a very critical problem and one we all should support.

Through counseling people almost every day who are going through some kind of crisis, certain patterns emerge. Once in a while people are genuinely on the receiving end of something they had no part whatsoever in creating. These folk are haunted by trying to figure out what they could have done, or not done, to avoid a terrible event. Usually though, people have done much to create the outcome, but are frantically trying to make the problem go away when it inevitably occurs.

When a young person gets a new checking account, they are, at first, writing down each check amount and number with great care. After a while though, he begins to wonder, “I am not sure what will really happen if I write a check knowing that I do not have enough money in my account.” When a letter is in the mailbox a few days later telling that not only did that check bounce, but the bank charged $29 for the experiment, the person is feeling many emotions. One is surprise that things work exactly the way he was told. One is a strange sense of calmness, having learned, without question that, well, things work exactly the way he was told. Even something as mundane as a checking account can be easily misused because of this phenomenon.

Now let’s apply it to something infinitely more complex, emotional and important for all of us: People often use the same logic with the sexual health. The only way to find out for sure how many people you have to have sex with to catch an STD is to catch one–now you know. The only way to find out just how risky–in terms of pregnancy–that your sexual activity is to keep doing what you are doing until you are pregnant–now you know. The same person may be curious just what it takes for the ice to give way on a frozen lake and proceeds to walk, skip, or even jump until it is too late. In other words, the only way to find out is to allow what you really do not want. Basic health and common sense should take place to youthful curiosity.

If you are not sure you want to be pregnant, don’t do exactly what it takes to get pregnant because your body might think that is what you want. If you are not sure that sex with this particular person is what you want, decide only to not have sex with that person, but keep out of situations where your decision might be compromised. If you are not sure if abortion is a good idea that you can live with, don’t have one. With important healthy issues, many which are not reversible, begin thinking before you have a problem. Then you may not have to be frantically looking for something to grab onto when you emotionally fall through the ice.

Free sonograms seem to be getting a lot of attention. You might wonder why this agency, and other agencies like it around the country, provide free sonograms for their clients who are experience an unexpected or unwanted pregnancy. As a non-profit women’s resource center, we are here basically to help women. Do sonograms help women? Well, women seem to think so. How else can you gain important insight about a pregnancy? You could read about pregnancy or talk to people who have been pregnant, but don’t you want to see for yourself what is going on inside your body? We want to make this as available as possible and quite a few pregnant women may not be able to afford the cost of one at the hospital or clinic. So, why do we provide free sonograms?

We want to help women in crisis.
Giving them medical information helps them in a timely and practical way.
Providing this service at no cost opens the door to many who could not afford it.

Our experience shows that the vast majority of those using our services appreciate is greatly. The service is optional–so no one is pressured in any way. This empowers women to make the best choice for them based on thoughtful and accurate information, the way it should be. Being pregnant is a very important medical situation. Being pregnant and having little support can be a critical situation. We believe women in this situation need personal attention and professional care. Providing a free and professional sonogram to women who really need it seems like a great idea–as well as a most reasonable thing to do!

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