FAMILY
LIFE
SERVICES
I always like it when people come up to me and say, “You look just like your dad!” It makes me giggle a little bit because in spite of the numerous people I have told, it never really registers with them that my dad (Tim Durham) didn’t biologically father me!
I think this stigma that “adopted children” are never as REALLY loved as biological children are largely defeated by my adoption story. It has been a part of my whole life. Not only did my dad marry my mom and adopt me, but he has also helped several other women place their babies for adoption as well. Adoption is a beautiful thing.
I was born in the early ’80s… it was a time (at least in our neck of the woods) that to have a child out of wedlock was not a good thing. “Single Mom” was not the desired title (guess not much has changed!) But when my biological father was not ready to marry my mother, it left her in an embarrassing or humiliating place, and the option of abortion was suggested to her. In that situation, which I suspect many young or teen moms find themselves in today, I’m sure it seems a reasonable suggestion. Why go through all the judgmental looks, and thoughts of “my world are ending” when you can just “take care of the problem”? I’ll tell you why…
Because growing inside you is a potential soldier, or doctor, or lawyer or scientist that could change the world. They will most certainly change YOUR world! And not in a bad way. By having kids of my own, I have learned patience (NOT a fun lesson) and sacrifice (annoying, but bearable), and joy that can only come when your child starts talking to you about their dreams (mountains made of candy and being a Power Ranger are the dreams of my kids lately, just in case you wondered) or watching their reaction to seeing Mufasa die in the Lion King the first time they watch it. You will be changed!
But let’s say, you KNOW for a fact that you cannot take care of this baby. You would be a horrible parent for whatever reason… what then? Adoption. Always always always adoption. Having been on that side of the fence as well, I can say that it is hard. The stigma and judgment that come from placing your child for adoption are not unlike what is received by having an abortion. Both sides have cheerleaders for their arguments, but only one of the options has a final and absolute outcome that cannot be undone. Studies show all kinds of different numbers for this statistic, but somewhere ranging from 10% – 65% (either of those is a substantial risk really) of women regretting their decision to have an abortion.
I feel like I have gotten off topic somewhere. The point of this was to encourage you and let you know that whatever is weighing in on your decision, whatever argument you might have in favor of terminating your pregnancy, there is another possible solution. Reach out to someone that can help you make that decision. Don’t make it alone.
Adoption is beautiful. I’m adopted and I think I turned out pretty well! I never once felt unloved by my dad or felt like he didn’t love or care for me the way he does my sister (who is biologically his). My kids know him as Grandpa and love him dearly.
The Christmas letter we sent out to our email subscribers.
Dear Friends of FLS:
A while back I got an interesting letter. Please take just 3 minutes and read it for some insight.
Dear Tim and Staff,
I just wanted to take a moment of your time and let you know how things are going for me.
It is hard to believe that just a year ago I was in such a desperate state of mind. When I walked into your office, I was relieved to see a friendly face. Yet, I was a little embarrassed because of my situation. I had never been in such bad shape financially or emotionally.
As we talked about what I was going through, I began to realize that you weren’t going to judges me for my present situation, that you and your staff were there to help my in any way possible. Being divorced, unemployed, and just finding out I was pregnant had literally devastated me. We talked about my nine-year-old, how he had grown, all the joy he gave me, and how I felt when I held him for the first time in my arms. You made me realize things I hadn’t thought about in years, and just how precious that tiny life I was carrying truly was.
That is when I decided to keep the baby.
I wish that everyone who ever considered an abortion could spend just one day with me now. My son, who is now 10 months old, is the joy of everyone around him…including his father, who I am now married to, and especially his ten-year-old brother. I am starting a new job in a couple of weeks and moving out of state.
I feel better knowing that at least I got the chance to thank you, although there aren’t enough words to express how I feel. Please know that I will always be grateful for you and your staff for being there, for listening, and for letting me cry. Thanks again and God bless!
Sincerely,
[Name withheld}
She also sent along a picture of her son with this note of the back:
“Thanks for everything, your work is one of the reasons I get to see this smiling face today!”
All I can say to you who are reading this right now is “THANKS” to you for allowing me to have these wonderful experiences and we appreciate your generous support!
Merry Christmas,
Tim Durham and Staff
Thank you for your generous support and
Merry Christmas from all of us at Family Life Services,
Tim Durham, M.Ed.
I was doing some basic organizing at work and came across a long-forgotten poem from 1996 that I had cut out of the newspaper and stored away. Do you remember Ann Landers? She had printed a poem that was sent in by a reader. Reading it over again after so many years I remembered why I kept it in the first place.
And God Said No
By Claudia Minden Weisz
I asked God to take away my pride,
And God said, “No.” He said it was not for Him to take away,
But for me to give up.
I asked God to make my handicapped child whole,
And God said, “No.” He said her spirit is whole,
Her body is only temporary.
I asked God to grant me patience,
And God said, “No.” He said that patience is a byproduct of tribulation.
It isn’t granted, it’s earned.
I asked God to give me happiness,
And God said, “No.” He said He gives blessings,
Happiness is up to me.
I asked God to spare me pain.
And God said ”No.” He said suffering draws you apart from worldly cares
And brings you closer to Me.
I asked God to make my spirit grow,
And God said, “No.” He said I must grow on my own,
But He will prune me to make me fruitful.
I asked God to help me love others as much as He loves me,
And God said, “Ah, finally, you have the idea.”
My wife and I were studying the story in Acts 3 where Peter and John healed the man lame from birth. After people ran forward and a crowd gathered, Peter preached a short but powerful message to them. In the next chapter, they experienced immediate resistance as the priests, the captain of the temple, and the Sadducees had them arrested. Notwithstanding the arrest, the number of men who came to believe in Jesus was 5,000 (Acts 4:4). The next day, the elders and scribes asked them to explain their involvement in the healing event and once again Peter, who was filled with the Holy Spirit, told them even more about Jesus:
“Now when they saw the boldness of Peter and John, and perceived that they were uneducated common men, they wondered; and they recognized that they had been with Jesus. But seeing the man that had been healed standing beside them, they had nothing to say in opposition (Act 4:13).
Notice what Peter and John had and what they did not have during these events. They had the Holy Spirit and the opportunity to give the message. That’s it. And that is all they needed. They did not have: a PA system (even a megaphone), a radio program, a blog, a website, a printing press, a telephone, telegraph, video camera, computer, fax machine, DVD, MP3 or any other electrical invention. They just stood up and spoke and the results changed the world. This happened!
If we could see the opportunity to speak the truth in love to our friends, neighbors, and family, it is certain that we can make a huge difference in their lives. Face-to-face is still the strongest communication by far.
I am fascinated by technology and much of it is extremely useful. After all, this is a blog! The problem is our message is crowded out with millions of other messages as each person can be their own expert, have their own platform, and so on. But, just as in Peter and John’s day, people can’t discount your personal testimony, which is still the most powerful message of all. I have been thinking a lot about that after reading this passage and making sure I am not so busy with technology that I don’t notice the important people around me! Look around you and see the opportunity before you right this minute and remember, be like Peter and John!
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[av_heading heading='Forward Motion' tag='h3' style='blockquote modern-quote' size='' subheading_active='' subheading_size='15' padding='10' color='' custom_font='' av-medium-font-size-title='' av-small-font-size-title='' av-mini-font-size-title='' av-medium-font-size='' av-small-font-size='' av-mini-font-size='' admin_preview_bg=''][/av_heading]
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Every now and then I meet one of those biological freaks of nature who don’t gain weight, even though they eat anything they want to. For the rest of us, that isn’t the case.
Then there are people who are in great shape for a reason. They get up in the morning and exercise. They also think about the things they eat, like my friend Skip Heitzig.
Awhile back we went out for lunch at a meatball place. I ordered a hoagie-type sandwich with spicy meatballs, sauce, and melted provolone cheese (because that’s how it’s done at a meatball place). Meanwhile, Skip ordered chicken meatballs.
I thought, “What? Chicken? You don’t make meatballs out of chicken.” And then he ordered—I almost can’t say it—a kale salad.
However, Skip is a very thin guy, and I am not. So maybe there’s something to his lunch choices.
Now, let’s compare that to the spiritual life. Someone gets up in the morning and reads their Bible. They pray. And during their commute, they listen to Christian radio, worship music, or some podcasts that encourage them spiritually.
Even on their lunch break, they take some time to open up God’s Word again. They’re involved in church and attend every weekend. But they also participate in a small group or a midweek Bible study. As a result, they’re doing well spiritually.
That isn’t legalism or righteousness from works. Rather, it’s working righteousness. There is our part as well as God’s part, and we need to recognize that.
When you get up in the morning, you make the choice whether you will walk in the Spirit or walk in the flesh. And the best way to avoid going backward spiritually is to go forward in the Spirit. God wants His spirit to permeate every area of your life.
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[av_heading heading='Condemned No Longer' tag='h3' style='blockquote modern-quote' size='' subheading_active='' subheading_size='15' padding='10' color='' custom_font='' av-medium-font-size-title='' av-small-font-size-title='' av-mini-font-size-title='' av-medium-font-size='' av-small-font-size='' av-mini-font-size='' admin_preview_bg=''][/av_heading]
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When you become a Christian, God does not see you in your sin. He sees you in His Son. God sees you for who you are in Christ, not who you were in sin.
The apostle Paul reminds us in Romans 8, “There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit” (verse 1 NKJV).
Maybe you’re thinking, “I’ve messed up.” But God doesn’t see His children that way. Rather, He says, “This is my child now. This is the one I have forgiven. This is the one I’m not condemning any longer.”
God always sees us for what we can become. For example, Jesus gave Peter his name. He was Simon when Jesus walked up to him and said, “‘You are Simon the son of Jonah. You shall be called Cephas’ (which is translated, A Stone)” (John 1:42 NKJV).
If there was anything that Simon was not, it was a rock. Simon was hotheaded, vacillating, and argumentative. But Jesus was saying, “From now on, you’re a rock.”
I wonder whether the other disciples were laughing. Rock? Does Jesus actually know Simon?
Oh yes, He knew him. But Jesus wasn’t calling him what he was; He was explaining what he would become.
I also think of Gideon, who was hiding from the Midianites when an angel of the Lord appeared to him. The angel said, “The Lord is with you, you mighty man of valor!” (Judges 6:12 NKJV). That’s hardly a mighty man of valor.
But God does not see us in our failure; He sees what we can become. We see the past, but God sees the future. We see a mess, but God sees a message. God can change everything in our story—if we will let Him.
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[av_heading heading='Leaning on a Spider’s Web' tag='h3' style='blockquote modern-quote' size='' subheading_active='' subheading_size='15' padding='10' color='' custom_font='' av-medium-font-size-title='' av-small-font-size-title='' av-mini-font-size-title='' av-medium-font-size='' av-small-font-size='' av-mini-font-size='' admin_preview_bg=''][/av_heading]
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Hopelessness has become something of a national epidemic. As columnist Karol Markowicz wrote, “The economy is booming. Crime has fallen dramatically all over the country. We’re richer and safer than ever. Yet we’re in the middle of this terrible malaise.”
The Book of Job puts it this way: “The hopes of the godless evaporate. Their confidence hangs by a thread. They are leaning on a spider’s web.” (Job 8:13–14 NLT).
Have you ever leaned on a spider’s web? That is what it’s like to lean on this world. If you put your hope in the world, then your hope is misplaced. It won’t help you. It won’t solve your problems.
I believe there are three basic reasons people find themselves depressed: (1) they are depressed about their past, (2) they are depressed about their future, or (3) they are depressed about their present.
The good news is that Romans 8 gives us promises about our past, present, and future. Romans 8:1, for example, tells us there is no condemnation for our past. If you’re a Christian, then you’re a child of God. You’ve asked God to forgive you of your sin, He has forgiven you, and there’s no condemnation for you.
And Romans 8:38 tells us that as Christians, there is no separation from God in the future. So we don’t have to be afraid of our future. Then Romans 8:28 assures us that whatever we’re going through as children of God ultimately will work together for good.
Maybe you find yourself feeling anxious about your future. Or maybe you have a whopper of a problem that you’re dealing with at the moment. Then again, maybe you’ve done something that you wish you hadn’t done, and the ramifications are still part of your life today.
There’s still hope. Hope has a name, and it’s Jesus.
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[av_heading heading='The Rewards of Humility' tag='h3' style='blockquote modern-quote' size='' subheading_active='' subheading_size='15' padding='10' color='' custom_font='' av-medium-font-size-title='' av-small-font-size-title='' av-mini-font-size-title='' av-medium-font-size='' av-small-font-size='' av-mini-font-size='' admin_preview_bg=''][/av_heading]
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The great evangelist Dwight L. Moody said, “I have had more trouble with D. L. Moody than with any other man who has crossed my path. If I can keep him right, I don’t have any trouble with other people.”
We love to blame things on other people when, in reality, the problem lies with us. We can point fingers and complain about this person doing that thing and that person doing another thing. But the truth is that our own hearts aren’t right.
It’s no different than Adam and Eve shifting blame in the Garden of Eden. Adam said, “It was the woman you gave me who gave me the fruit, and I ate it.” Then Eve said, “The serpent deceived me. . . . That’s why I ate it” (Genesis 3:12–13 NLT).
All too often we blame other people or our circumstances rather than admit that we’re responsible for what we do.
Jesus told a parable about two men who went into the temple to pray. One was a sinner, and the other was a Pharisee. The sinner would not even lift his eyes to Heaven. Instead, he said, “O God, be merciful to me, for I am a sinner” (Luke 18:13 NLT). This guy was bad, and he knew it.
Meanwhile, the Bible says, “The Pharisee stood and prayed thus with himself, God, I thank thee, that I am not as other men are, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even as this publican” (verse 11 KJV).
Jesus said, “I tell you, this sinner, not the Pharisee, returned home justified before God. For those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted” (verse 14 NLT).
The one who admitted his sin, the one who owned it, is the one who went home justified before God.
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[av_heading tag='h3' padding='10' heading='Pastor Greg Laurie' color='' style='blockquote modern-quote modern-centered' custom_font='' size='' subheading_active='' subheading_size='15' custom_class='' admin_preview_bg='' av-desktop-hide='' av-medium-hide='' av-small-hide='' av-mini-hide='' av-medium-font-size-title='' av-small-font-size-title='' av-mini-font-size-title='' av-medium-font-size='' av-small-font-size='' av-mini-font-size=''][/av_heading]
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This Daily Devotion comes from Harvest.org in a daily email.
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[av_heading heading='What Being Carnal Means' tag='h3' style='blockquote modern-quote' size='' subheading_active='' subheading_size='15' padding='10' color='' custom_font='' av-medium-font-size-title='' av-small-font-size-title='' av-mini-font-size-title='' av-medium-font-size='' av-small-font-size='' av-mini-font-size='' admin_preview_bg=''][/av_heading]
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When you come to Christ, there’s an initial surprise. There are a lot of things you didn’t know. You realize you’re not supposed to do certain things anymore, while you’re supposed do other things instead.
It’s an entirely new way of thinking and living. Everything changes.
You also discover that you’re in a battle, because the Christian life is not a playground; it’s a battleground. Conversion makes your heart a battlefield.
But then there are those who have known the Lord for a while and have stayed the same way. The Bible describes this kind of Christian as carnal. The term originates from the Greek word sarkikos, which means “fleshly.”
To be carnal is to live in a state of arrested spiritual development. The apostle Paul used this word when he wrote to the believers in Corinth, saying, “For you are still carnal. For where there are envy, strife, and divisions among you, are you not carnal and behaving like mere men?” (1 Corinthians 3:3 NKJV).
The good news is that we don’t have to be carnal if we don’t want to. If this is a description of you, if you feel a little like a spiritual baby and realize that you should know more and be doing more, you don’t have to stay that way.
Every believer will have moments of carnality. Even Paul described this kind of spiritual struggle in his life: “I have discovered this principle of life—that when I want to do what is right, I inevitably do what is wrong. . . . Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin and death? Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord” (Romans 7:21, 24–25 NLT).
We’ll have moments of compromise, no doubt. But we don’t want to be carnal Christians.
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[av_heading tag='h3' padding='10' heading='Pastor Greg Laurie' color='' style='blockquote modern-quote modern-centered' custom_font='' size='' subheading_active='' subheading_size='15' custom_class='' admin_preview_bg='' av-desktop-hide='' av-medium-hide='' av-small-hide='' av-mini-hide='' av-medium-font-size-title='' av-small-font-size-title='' av-mini-font-size-title='' av-medium-font-size='' av-small-font-size='' av-mini-font-size=''][/av_heading]
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[av_heading heading='In Sin’s Grip No Longer' tag='h3' style='blockquote modern-quote' size='' subheading_active='' subheading_size='15' padding='10' color='' custom_font='' av-medium-font-size-title='' av-small-font-size-title='' av-mini-font-size-title='' av-medium-font-size='' av-small-font-size='' av-mini-font-size='' admin_preview_bg=''][/av_heading]
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I heard about an old farmer, his wife, and their son who had never been to the big city. So they got into their old pickup truck, drove to the city, and found a place to park. The farmer’s wife decided to wait in the truck while her husband and son walked to a gleaming skyscraper to take a closer look.
As they entered the massive lobby, they watched as a set of mysterious doors opened and an elderly woman stepped inside. Then the doors closed. After a few moments passed, the doors opened again, and a beautiful young woman walked out.
The old farmer turned to his son and said, “Quick! Go get Mama!”
Wouldn’t it be great if we could walk into church as one person and leave as another? The Bible tells us that when we become Christians, we turn from darkness to light and from the power of Satan to God (see Acts 26:18). But that is not an instantaneous process.
Conversion happens in a moment, but the Christian life is one of growth and consistency. Salvation, or regeneration, is coming to Christ. Sanctification is growing in Christ. And that takes a lifetime.
The way you do that, according to Jesus, is to abide in Him and have His Word abiding in you (see John 15:4–7). It’s consistently walking with Jesus Christ each and every day.
We all struggle with certain sins. But the Bible tells us, “We know that our old sinful selves were crucified with Christ so that sin might lose its power in our lives. We are no longer slaves to sin” (Romans 6:6 NLT). Sin no longer holds us in its grip. We can overcome it.
Jesus has broken the power of sin that used to control your life. You’re a new person in Christ.
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